


Then it goes way back

by TheonlyDan



Category: Van Helsing (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Post-Season/Series 01, Post-Season/Series 03, Sister-Sister Relationship, slight mention of incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-07
Updated: 2019-04-10
Packaged: 2020-01-06 09:39:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18385841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheonlyDan/pseuds/TheonlyDan
Summary: Vanessa's feels.When walls were even higher; how could you love? How could you let go of the past if you live in them?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Slightly AU, and it's a kind of retelling of the story (with spice added of course).  
> Post-season 3. Read it at your own risk since it's 2 am and I'm just sleep-drunk, sad that this relationship couldn't get more development. Might be more coming, stay tuned.

  Everything was so sharp and too real. 

She was sick of it. Sometimes Vanessa just wanted to scream all of her unspeakable desires aloud for someone to hear.

 

_Blood-lust. Her unspeakable past. How her precious daughter was murdered in her own hands._

But alas, nowadays, there were barely people that she could share her deepest secret to, even Scarlet. She was her friend and her closest family, but both of them were too stubborn to admit their weaknesses.

 

For example, Axel. Vanessa loved him like a brother, but she never said that out loud.

Her sister and she were too alike to admit that they’ve fallen for someone. Love was hard to come by these days; Vanessa knew it too well because it seemed the only unconditional love she gave, was to her daughter.

And maybe to Susan?

A random guy that she fucked in the woods didn’t count; that was just animalistic desire.

 

That was why when the elder transformed into the form of Susan, she hesitated.

Seeing the sight of whom she cared for, was even more powerful than she’d expected.

But she knew that it was never Susan. The one she knew, had a pair of green, warm eyes that showed affection and love, the one who smelled like fresh cotton and sunshine in a Sunday afternoon.

This Susan-elder smelled like death and rotten meat, and Vanessa saw nothing but cruelty and faked-kindness in “it’s” eyes.

 

_Susan’s warmth was radiating from her curvy body; Vanessa tried hard to focus on her face, not the fact that their feet were tangled._

_Maybe it was just your hormones, Van. Her brain was foggy and not functioning well. Susan was too close and her scent was all that was on her mind._

_She talked about her family’s farm and her tough-old-dad; Vanessa fell for Susan’s way of talking and her humor._

_She fell for Susan, hard._

_“Everything’s always shit.”_

_Seeing Susan’s eyes glinting with those words that were unsaid, somewhere in Vanessa’s heart tingled because she had a feeling of what was going to happen._

_“Unless I’m with you.”_

_She wanted to shout on the rooftops and punch something at the same time._

_Susan kissed her._

_It was a slow, passionate kiss. Not in a hurry, just the way that Vanessa had always wanted, Susan melted with her into one at that moment. Everything went into nothingness except their beings, their souls clash and colliding with each other._

_But then Vanessa had to stop herself. She caressed Susan’s face oh so tenderly and stopped their kiss, telling her that she should rest._

_What she didn’t tell Susan why she seemed to push her away at that moment, was her fear._

_Her fear of hurting Susan._

_It was already too late._

_She was suddenly in Susan’s body, seeing through her eyes; and she watched herself transform into an evil creature with wild red eyes, sharp fangs with no humanity left._

_She screamed._

Vanessa woke up with a scream and realized that she had that dream again. Hollowness and regret filled her heart, as she sat up and stared blankly into the dark woods.

 

Susan, If only……


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Vanessa manifested who she was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this came to me and I must put it down or I'll lose my mind.  
> Muse has been good to me.

          A lot of times--when she was not killing vampires and ferals or bickering with her sister and Axel—she thought of herself.

If her story was made into a book, she would be the worst kind of protagonist that readers could find.

She was lost; she knew she was a Van Helsing, and saving the world was her duty.

But she was no hero. A hero wouldn’t kill someone to satisfy her own desire. A hero would NEVER do some things that she did.

 

A hero would always try to make the best decision even the situation was a clusterfuck.

 

Vanessa knew she was not a good person, but there seemed nothing she could do.

The more she wanted to embrace herself, she felt more anger and hatred boiling up her veins.

 

          “Hey. Nessa.”

Scarlet touched her shoulder while Vanessa was staring into the pitch black woods. She jumped and turned around, startled by the sudden concrete human contact.

At that moment, Scarlet thought her eyes were deceiving her.

She thought she saw Vanessa’s eyes glowing blood red in the dark, but she told herself it was the dim moonlight and the bonfire that played tricks on them.

But now, Scarlet saw only sadness and confusion behind the walls that Vanessa was too quick to build.

“Don’t sneak up on me… what if I hurt you?”

“Like you would ever beat me with no weapons.”

Vanessa gave her a halfhearted eye-roll and they walked side by side to the fireplace. The fire was almost out with some fading warmth.

 

They sat down wordlessly, waiting for a sentence to slash open the silence.

 

“Couldn’t sleep?”

“Yeah. Nightmare.”

She knew she had no way to avoid talking about her feelings now.

Scarlet sighed and leaned into Vanessa.

 _She had lost weight, maybe due to stress and bad appetite_ , Scarlet thought.

“You know you could tell me anything, right? I’m your sister.”

Vanessa didn’t know if she wanted to laugh hysterically or cry until she lost her voice.

“I dreamed about a girl that I loved, but I lost her. Everyone I loved seemed to die because of me.”

Instead, Vanessa spoke monotonically, trying to brush everything off as lightly as possible.

_I don’t want to burden others with my own pathetic issues._

To her surprise, Scarlet pushed her away and stared at her with anger and disappointment in her eyes.

“Why are you always blaming yourself? You are so much more than you know! Why can’t you just accept yourself?”

Scarlet hissed and stood up, staring down at her with disbelief. Vanessa didn’t know how to feel or respond normally anymore. With a heart filled with rage and sadness, she was again controlled by her own demons.

“I killed someone after I left you on the island. I drank his blood and you know what?”

Watching Scarlet’s face turning from red to white actually satisfied a sick part of Vanessa.

She approached Scarlet until they were close enough to kiss. Scarlet was dumb folded and frozen.

“I would do it again because I enjoyed every second of it.”

Scarlet could feel her sister’s breath ghosting on her lips, as she looked into Vanessa’s eyes and couldn’t recognize her anymore.

Still processing the things that she told her, Scarlet tried to put some distance between them, but Vanessa pulled them closer together until they could feel each other’s heartbeat.

“Scared already? I thought I could tell you anything, _Scar_.”

Using her nickname, Vanessa put on a devilish smile, almost seductive, that made Scarlet want to scream.

 

Something was not right with Vanessa.

 

“Nessa? Calm down. Listen to what you’re saying— “

“Shhhh.”

Vanessa put her index finger on Scarlet’s lips to stop her from talking.

“You heard the calling from the dark?”

A faraway look was in Vanessa’s eyes and she had a dreamy expression. Scarlet swallowed thickly and tried to focus on the reality, not the fact that her sister actually had _fine lips_.

_What the fuck was wrong with her? It’s her sister!_

Grasping onto her last sense of clarity, she hit Vanessa with her forehead as hard as she could.

She passed out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still thinking about how the sisterhood would develop after this twisted thing happened.  
> (Yep, slightly incest, I know it's dark. Sorry not sorry.)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the inevitable happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vanessa was one step closer to herself.

_She distantly remembered how summer felt. More precise, how it meant to her._

_She was happy, with Dylan. Her daughter was the summer to her; Dylan was her rays of sunshine and joy._

_Breathless._

_When she helped her best friend/neighbor and kicked her no-good-boyfriend out, the adrenaline coursing through her body made her wild and free. Knowing that she helped her closest friend and did the right thing sent anonymous jolts through her body._

_Tranquility._

_When Susan stayed for dinner and they (Vanessa, Dylan, and Susan) ate in peace, with some quick humorous comments, and they all burst out laughing. That made a home for Vanessa. She felt like she was finally home._

_Love._

_When Dylan went to bed, and Susan stayed for a drink, they’d always open up, not worrying to scare each other away, because they know each other’s true colors._

_When their knees brushed under the table and both of them chose to ignore the heat that was rising up from their stomach, Susan would be the one to blush too furiously, blaming on the drinks then announce she needed to go home._

_When Vanessa told her she didn’t need to, both of them know too well that their lives are still their own, and they were in the end, separate beings; neither of them wanted to cross the line._

_When Susan placed the softest kiss on her face, Vanessa felt her whole body was burning and aching for touches from Susan._

_Alas, they say goodnight and went back to their lives._

 

          This time, Vanessa woke up peacefully in weeks (or months? She’d lost count).

 

“What happened to both of you? You passed out on the ground.”

Axel searched her eyes frantically. Vanessa tried to say something, but……

She didn’t know what had happened, except for a warm dream that she had but didn’t remember much.

“Summer.”

She muttered.

“What?”

“Never mind. Where’s Scarlet?”

Axel shot her a curious look and took them to where Scarlet was lying.

 

Later when Scarlet woke, they were hurried to battle position because they were attacked by Day-walkers; and after that, they were busy enough not to mention Vanessa’s strange behavior.

 

But what was not said was always there; Scarlet looked at Vanessa differently from then on. Vanessa was more distant than ever, talking only about business and vampires and never her feelings.

 

_One day, one day I’ll break down her walls, after all of this was over._

_***_

 

Then Scarlet did that before it was all too late.

 

She should have seen it coming, and prevent her sister’s death.

 

How dumb! How stupid of her to think she could do this all on her own, that she was strong enough to prevent Sam from being an elder.

 

It all seemed to come to her senses in the heat of the moment; when Scarlet held Vanessa’s hands and pushed the steely blade inside.

Vanessa felt the pain also; the agony of losing her love again.

The agony of regret.

 

But for Scarlet, she died in firm belief that her death was not in vain. She had sacrificed herself for love, for Axel, for humankind and for the greater good.

 

In her last breath, Vanessa saw understanding and raw affection in her sister’s eyes.

And that would be her supplement to fight on; that pain would be a part of she was.

 

She now stood side by side with her ally and the support of those who loved her, with determination in her heart and the fire of life in her eyes.

 

_END_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder if season 4 could be more convincing......  
> And am I the only one thinking that the writings in this show need (a lot of) improvement><
> 
> Hoping to see more character development!

**Author's Note:**

> Season 3 was better than I'd expected, but there were still plot twists that couldn't convince me.  
> Go, Syfy! You could do better!


End file.
